Recall Notice

The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This defect is due to a malfunction in the original units, code-named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. It has been technically-termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality" (SIN).

Symptoms of SIN include, but are not limited to: loss of direction, foul vocal emissions, lack of peace, violent behavior, depression, fearfulness, immorality or rebellion.

The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair service, free of charge, to correct the SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how large or small the SIN defect is, Jesus, will replace it with the following: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

DANGER: Units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter HEAVEN so as to prevent permanent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention to this notice. Please assist us wherever possible by notifying others of this important recall notice.